They know who they are

“The man who backbites an absent friend, nay, who does not stand up for him when another blames him, the man who angles for bursts of laughter and for the repute of a wit, who can invent what he never saw, who cannot keep a secret - that man is black at heart: mark and avoid him.” ~Cicero~

Christmas 2010

Merry Xmas ladies and gents! I can't believe it's been about a year since I began my blog! I remember being so optimistic during this time last year. I lived in Riverside CA, subleasing my longtime best friend Kisha's apt. I was happy. I wasn't working so I was able to be home with my children. I was a full time college student online. Things were great! I must say that 2010 was a terrible year for me. I found allot of betrayal and backbiting in this year. My big brother Todd died from Lou Gehrig's Disease, my other big brother Troy disappointed and betrayed me for absolutely no reason at all. Is there ever a reason?? I am now in Columbia SC and the only benefit of that is that I see my mother often.I still feel like eyes are always on me and that I can't make my own decisions.

I am thinking strongly about moving away again.I know that I will meet with scrutiny, but I may have to do it without anyone knowing except my mother. Maybe I will move to Charlotte or Atlanta. All I know is that a move is pretty certain. I plan to exert my full independence this next year. It won't matter who doesn't like it or me afterward. Amen

sad

miss my brother...miss being somebody's someone....miss living in Riverside....miss being a stay at home mom....hate being alone....wish I could go back to the days when my kids were babies so I could love on em' more....wish that I could just be HAPPY

blah

Sad today and feeling lonely....

Sibling rivalry

It seems as though all my younger children do is bicker and make one another miserable. This in turn makes me furious and toting a headache the size of Mt St. Helen's. I read various children's articles that say this common. I try to count to 3 even 10 when it seems like my head s going to explode. But I found myself filled with anxiety. The cure? I enrolled them in daycare!

Lionel Todd Ruff Sr.

My eldest brother Todd, departed this life on December 5, 2010 after a 2 year long private battle with Lou Gehrig's Disease. Although there is a hole in my heart, I know now that he's receiving love, affection, and blessings from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. RIP to my amazing big brother.

Lionel Todd Ruff Jr

My eldest brother Todd departed this earth on December 5, 2010 of Lou Gehrig's Disease. He fought a long battled after an initial prognosis of less than 12 mos to live...that was in 2008....there will always be part of me missing....but now I have a guardian angel. RIP my darling big brother!

Bittersweet

Moved to South Carolina. Been separated from my spouse for over 2 1/2 years now. Got saved. Love chuch. living with my cousin for now. The end.

40 years and starting life on a positive note

Today is my 40th birthday.....I still feel 30ish lol! I had some laughs and tears. I thnk all in all things are going to look up for me : )

So much in so little time

Sooooo, let's see.....I've given up on trying to co-parent or reconcile with my estranged spouse....my car was towed by a renegade cop, my job with Williams Sonoma was a farce, and the house I'm renting was an expensive hoax. So now I moving AGAIN....to a deluxe apartment in the skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

ACHOO!

I think I have pnemonia

Swine Flu

I have the second cold in like 35 days!!! I hate influenza and I hate the fact I failed to get a flu shot this year!!!! LOOOOOSER LOL!

I DON'T NEED ANYONE FROM THE RUFF FAMILY

To be stolen from and betrayed by members of your own family continuosly lets me know that I have to terminate the relationship altogether

Starbucks VIA Taste Challenge (Oct 2 - 5)

Show Girl!

Moving back to Las Vegas was the best thing I could have ever done! My children and I are so happy and I can see a definite change in my personal constitution! Thank you God for always bringing a rainbow after a storm....

Broke

Okay, so I have officially been out of work by choice for like 11 mos...now I'm just bored of not having money and living like I'm use to. God has been good and kept all the bills on and the kids fed, but I feel more productive when I clock in and out. I do miss the kids, but I also love the benefit of buying them the little things they ask for. Right now the universal theme is, "mommy doesn't have any money but let's go to the park or The Strip!" This works but need to have more than that in my life. The one person I always thouht I could count on, just left us hanging. Made me a bitter pill, but he doesn't care. The hardest thing to do is watch someone you love, love somebody else.

Pity Party

Mother's Day was nice. Relaxed with my children. Thought I was going to get at least an email from my estranged spouse but I guess that's the breaks. I have had lots of dreams lately that I am beng abandoned. I guess it has caused some resentment and definite sadness in my days and evenings. I recently moved back to Vegas.....still have to go get my things from my old apartment in Riverside. The one thing I really need right now is God to work in my favor....bring me peace, someone that really loves me, loyalty, and a job. He has given me so many blessings thus far....I feel awful asking for more, but I'm so depressed lately. I guess I thought he and I would have a hapilly ever after, and he would be there for me and our kids. The saddest thing in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.

Moving!

So excited about moving back home to Las Vegas. Never leaving! I just can't deal with all the negative changes that have taken place in Californiia. Culture shock, and horrible school district in Riverside!

Cutting off the negative energy

Today marks the first day that I cut off certain family members that have nothing positve to add to my or my children's lives. They shall remain nameless, howver let's just say that offenses include: not identifying with our family because they decided to shift races....always commenting on my parenting and treating me with disrespect. I don't desire or need it, so I'm moving out of state and my numbers will change. The End

Moving

Have 2 excellent job prospects...in Las Vegas!!! I always end up there, but I've excepted that that's home for my family and I. Others may disagree, but I know that I was unsuccessful in California. It's broke, crowded, and no jobs. I guess L.A. county is still where it's at, but the Inland Empire is a dry no mans land.....Las Vegas Nevada here I come!!!! Right back where I started frommmmmmmmmmm

Neices!!!!

I'm having the greatest week ever! One of my brothers allowed their 2 daughters plus a best friend to visit my children and I for the entire week!!!! Yay!

Happy Easter!

Off to a very late start!!! Got food poisoning last nite...recently became a vegetarian, and still haven't dyed eggs or put together the easter baskets waah! I'm moving at a snails pace, but nevertheless I'm moving lol! Happy Easter ya'll!!!

Sat Mar 27, 2010

Met with friends from high school after 23 years!!! I'm so glad that I went! It's amazing how enriching that experience was, and set the stage for a week filled with positive energy and happiness!!!!

Road rage

Some chick totally disrespected me and simulated that she was going to crash into my car....instead of using my head, I lost it. I feel like a complete idiot, and wish I could go backwards in time to just ignore her. She called me names, and I think on some level, it really stung. Too bad I wasn't bright enough to not lose my cool in front of my kids. My 4 year old told me later that I shouldn't yell at the cars. I'm really sad that I did that today. SIGH

Tiger Woods/George Lopez

Laughing is so great for the mind, spirit, and psyche!!! I'm watching the George Lopez late night show for the first time, and OMG he's hilarious! I am usually an idea assassin when it comes to celebrities with newfound talk shows or late night spoofs....but ths is a winner and a keeper! Tiger Woods.....reminds me of my soon to be ex husband....just flying by the seat of his million dollar pants, with no regard for anything but his "yooohoo." How lame?! I mean hello! Don't get married Tiger and Terrill (spouse lol), Just stay single and play the field. This way you don't condemn your souls to eternal damnation lol! The soap box has been exited.....and scene : )

formspring.me

What makes you happiest in life? http://formspring.me/searching4quiet

formspring.me

What makes you happiest in life? http://formspring.me/searching4quiet

formspring.me

What makes you happiest in life? http://formspring.me/searching4quiet

formspring.me

What makes you happiest in life? http://formspring.me/searching4quiet

What's the best place near you to get a pizza?

Regretfully, you would think livng in a college community there would be the best pizza joints ever. Wrong! My favorite pizza hands down came from a little mom and pop spot I ate at in Mahattan, NY years ago : )

What makes you happiest in life?

Family Time

Been spending allot of time with my brother Troy and his nieces. It really has changed my life. I'm so use to being "The Lone Ranger." Knowing someone has my back, cooking for my children and I, playing with them and being a positive male role model, just feels great! I don't feel so sad that they have a father that absolutely refuses to be there for them. Although nothing takes the place of a "father"....they are fortunate to have some kind of male role model in their lives, and for this I feel both grateful and blessed!

Recent sadness

It's been a long time since I blogged. Not that there hasn't been anything interesting iin my life. Hmmmmmm, let's see..... moved back to Vegas. Live in a beautiful apartment community. Had a Mother's Day that was peaceful and receieved a card from my BFF and some beautiful wishes from FB friends. My estranged husband didn't email me at all.That hurt, but I expect that because we have been estranged for over 1 year now. Lately I have been having dreams of abandonement and it's caused alot of depression for me. I am looking forward to my renewed life here in Vegas, but I guess I anticipated that I would have a renewed relationship with people that I had falling outs with. So the moral of the story is that I have to brush myself off and keep it pushing because no one is going to attend my pity parties but me : (

Slacker

OMG guys...I haven't blogged and have had a hellavu lot of incidents worth talking about! First of all, my estranged husband totally dissed our 4 children. He stated that he could only help out with our children, like he does the child he had during our marriage, if I "helped him more financially" like that child's mother. All I have to say to that is.....WHAT THE HELL EVER!

On a lighter note, March 4th my eldest child turned 16! He's awesome! Thanks for all the love and support guys! Pic is of the birthday dude Kejan Joshua Smith~

Have made some definite changes

OK, so you wonder why I haven't blogged in a while? Well, it's definitely not because I haven't had a ton of interesting things transpire lol! I have cancelled relationships, opened myself up to new challenges, turned down two jobs with relocation adventures, and to elaborate on that....they weren't a good fit for a mother of 4 children, 3 being under the age of 5! So I set boundries....a new thing for Treen : ) I happily filed my own taxes, received a really nice return, you know what? I'm in control, and making sure that Trina is always fulfilled and happy at the end of the day....something I usually don't do.

I'm enjoying spoiling my children and my new chihuahua puppy, and preparing to stay put in my rental for an additional 2 months until my new apartment comes through yay! I feel hopeful, enlightened, and so very happy! It's great putting me first! Now don't get me wrong, my babies (even my 15 year old lol) are my TOP priority; well my faith and trust +praise in GOD is essentially first, then the blessings he gave to me,my babies, and then I just bask in making myself smile! I love it! No one can break this solid foundation! I think I know what finally happened friends......I found "reciprocity"......and it ironically it's coming from "me."

Conan vs NBC

I think it's disgusting that NBC used an under handed ploy to put Jay Leno back as The Tonight Show host. I agree with Conan OBrien, 12:05 am is not the Tonight Show time slot, and hasn't been in over 60 years. Ratings were down for Jay Leno's prime time show, so whose fault is that? Now they hack away at the staff of Conan O'Brien by essentially ousting them from their dreams! These people uprooted their families and moved to the west coast. 7 months after the conversion, NBC pulls the rug from under them! I will never watch Jay Leno as the host of The Tonight Show! He should bow out gracefully. He had his time, and he should never allow this to happen to what appeared to be a good friend of his.

Jumping to conclusions

Since childhood, I have had the horrible habit of forming my own conclusions regarding ANY and EVERY situation I encountered. My word, if I had a penny for all the times I was completely wrong, left picking my jaw up off of the ground, I would be the richest witch on the planet lol! I recently had the misfortune of doing this very same thing. The key to recovery is admission right?

I am a Facebook addict. I know this, and my children know this. The Internet is perfect for those of us that lead a relatively quiet life....free from clubs, crowds, and chaos. I say this to say, that I know all of my 114 friends (to date) either directly or indirectly. I noticed that while playing one of my games online, a face that I realized I hadn't seen in awhile. This party invited my friendship due to WFTC (walk for the cause....cancer research). I can tell you now, that WFTC people are DIE hard individuals (no pun intended). They blog, chat, discuss, and encourage one another to walk walk walk for cancer research. As you put feet to pavement cyberly, you gain miles, thus donating money to charity. The trick is, that you can only walk so much (simply clicking your mouse with with each destination i.e. Central Park, alongside a lake, Antarctica etc) with 1 glass of water. To get more water, your teammates (other FB users that you solicit or that solicit you) can use a credit card and apply $$ to give you unlimited water...or you can do so yourself.

Here's where I have the problem. I am currently unemployed, a single mother of 4 children, meager income. I am not able to walk very far, thus not being as die hard as the others who have managed to walk to new continents lol!

Some WFTC participants, get so involved they encourage you to walk walk walk more more more! The 1 glass of water just won't allow for that. Seemingly, I felt that your teammates should come together and donate some water to the struggling teammate, or just let that person contribute as they see fit, or can. I started to feel immense pressure. It no longer became something I was proud of and felt passionately about. I have a dear friend that almost lost her battle with Cancer, so I always do what I can to put cancer awareness on the frontline. Needless to say, I cancelled WFTC application from my laptop.

So you say....Trina, what did you jump to conclusions about? Well, one of my WFTC teammates, dropped me from her friends list. I noticed that while playing a game. It had to have been sometime ago. But I immediately became filled with feelings of rejection, anger, and "oh no she didn't!!" I immediately shot off an email telling her it was shallow and how cancer impacted my life. I was so angry and offended! How dare she ask for my friendship on the condition that I participate in this "game." The application was faulty, and always had that "you're outta water, so no more walking for you" feel.

The next day I received a friend request from one of her WFTC friends explaining that the person lost her FB account and so she lost my info I guess. Well now, I feel silly and once again Treen Jumped to conclusions : (

The End

Note to self

Don't watch scarry movies at night with Kejan....He is just as freaked out as I am lol! Both of us are skeptical about going downstairs to get a drink of water and a midnght snack. So...now.....why the heck did we agree to watch these movies again?

Quality Time

I love spending time with my teenage son Kejan. like now, were watching a scary movie, laughing at the graphic scenes and wondering whose going to be slaughtered next lol! It's times with my children, laughing and enjoying one another's company, that I'm the happiest. The greatest thing about kids, is that the love is unconditional. They have TRUE loyalty. They love you, flaws and all....and they have the most forgiving spirits. Think about a baby or even a toddler... You discipline or scold them, yet you're the one they run to or cry after when you're not around.

The greatest blessing God gave me is the ability to bear children and be a mother. I have 4 children and I'm 39 years old. I still want at least 1 more. People would judge me for that last statement because I'm currently a single parent. Although I'm married, I'm separated and receive no help from my spouse. he's finding his way in life (rolling my eyes lol). But it's my right! As a woman, as a mother, and if it's God's will, I'm having another within 2 years
: )

Loyalty

It amazes me how some people take loyalty with a grain of salt. Your word is all you have in life. If you make a commitment to call, come by, or do something with someone, it is essential that you exercise courtesy and advise them if circumstances arise, or plans change.

I experience this continually with certain people in my life. They will say to me they are going to do something with me or for me, and fail to follow though. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not throwing a pity party. What I am in fact attempting to convey is how inconsiderate an over abundant amount of people in my life are! So, this tells me that I attract those types of people. That, or maybe I need to pick my friends like I pick my fruit.

The main thing to take from this is, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Hakuna matata...blah blah blah lol!

Unecessary drama

I find that one of the chief problems in my life is that I am too nice. Sounds narcissistic, but seriously, I fail to address issues as they arise, and as a result people run with their nonsense. I have what's called my "F it" button lol, once it's pushed, there's no turning back. My engines reeving and I prepared to unleash a can of cuss out on the unsuspecting party. I am not proud of this. Here is my advice to those that take proverbially kind hearted people for granted.....STOP IT!

Ambiguity

Hard to be positive about the upcoming year if the previous one was a loser lol! Looks bleak huh? Well always attempt to visualize yourself in the place you want to be in life, the body you want, or the financial status you desire. Really "feel" the imagery. Then and only then can you truly attain the wonders that are avalable to you. Its simply making your life manifest into the one that you desire. I know you can do it! Live, Love, Learn.....

My first blog...the 1st day of 2010

WR6G Hardman Center, Riverside, California (PWS)
Updated: 11 sec ago
43.9 °F
Clear
Windchill: 44 °F
Humidity: 66%
Dew Point: 33 °F
Wind: 0.0 mph
Wind Gust: 1.0 mph
Pressure: 30.29 in (Falling)
Visibility: 10.0 miles
UV: 0 out of 16
Clouds: Clear -
(Above Ground Level)
Elevation: 821 ft

That's my evening...well the demogragraphics of it all. The full story is that I spent the New Year, watching Dick Clark, alone. My 3 babies, asleep, tucked in tightly. My teenage son, at a party. No call of course from a 15 year old at his first party with new friends and cousins lol!

A sadness came over me when the clock struck midnight. Why? Well I'm married, but separated from my spouse. A man that I love so much it hurts, but just isn't willing to give 100% of himself to family and marriage. I didn't even get a call, but then again, I really didn't think I would. I watched so many couples kiss and hug. I woshed that he was here with me doing the same. But what can you do, it is what it is right?

I am so happy that God blessed me with another day/evening. My beautiful children, wonderful friends and family. I'm going to think "break through minded". I know that God will mend my family, bring a beautiful home foR us, and financial stability.

2009 brought alot of joy (my daughter Alyssa), pain, ambiguity, and hope.....moving forward, I know that with positive affirmations, and visualizing all that I hope will come to pass, 2010 will be the best yet!!!

My first blog...the first day of the New Year!

I did what my mama told me, bring in the new year with black eye peas for good luck. They were yummy too lol! Additionally, I brought in 2010 with Dick Clark...alone, children tucked in bed....all except my tennager who went to his 1st party with cousins. Still no call from him wishing mama happy new year lol!

As I watched couples embrace and kiss when the ball dropped in Times Square.....it dawned on me that I was alone, without the love of my life, my husband and partner of whom I am separated from. I really love him, and am saddened that he seemingly doesn't feel the same.

Ideally, I have to look at the impending year with optimisim and enthusiasm. I have to visualize all that I want and the image that I want others to see....as well as the mage I want for myself. Positive thinking and affirmations....prayer and faith in GOD's work and miracles. I know that my family will be reunited, my finances will be abundant, my children and I healthy, and happiness throughout my days! Happy New Year folks!