They know who they are

“The man who backbites an absent friend, nay, who does not stand up for him when another blames him, the man who angles for bursts of laughter and for the repute of a wit, who can invent what he never saw, who cannot keep a secret - that man is black at heart: mark and avoid him.” ~Cicero~

Christmas 2010

Merry Xmas ladies and gents! I can't believe it's been about a year since I began my blog! I remember being so optimistic during this time last year. I lived in Riverside CA, subleasing my longtime best friend Kisha's apt. I was happy. I wasn't working so I was able to be home with my children. I was a full time college student online. Things were great! I must say that 2010 was a terrible year for me. I found allot of betrayal and backbiting in this year. My big brother Todd died from Lou Gehrig's Disease, my other big brother Troy disappointed and betrayed me for absolutely no reason at all. Is there ever a reason?? I am now in Columbia SC and the only benefit of that is that I see my mother often.I still feel like eyes are always on me and that I can't make my own decisions.

I am thinking strongly about moving away again.I know that I will meet with scrutiny, but I may have to do it without anyone knowing except my mother. Maybe I will move to Charlotte or Atlanta. All I know is that a move is pretty certain. I plan to exert my full independence this next year. It won't matter who doesn't like it or me afterward. Amen

sad

miss my brother...miss being somebody's someone....miss living in Riverside....miss being a stay at home mom....hate being alone....wish I could go back to the days when my kids were babies so I could love on em' more....wish that I could just be HAPPY

blah

Sad today and feeling lonely....

Sibling rivalry

It seems as though all my younger children do is bicker and make one another miserable. This in turn makes me furious and toting a headache the size of Mt St. Helen's. I read various children's articles that say this common. I try to count to 3 even 10 when it seems like my head s going to explode. But I found myself filled with anxiety. The cure? I enrolled them in daycare!

Lionel Todd Ruff Sr.

My eldest brother Todd, departed this life on December 5, 2010 after a 2 year long private battle with Lou Gehrig's Disease. Although there is a hole in my heart, I know now that he's receiving love, affection, and blessings from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. RIP to my amazing big brother.

Lionel Todd Ruff Jr

My eldest brother Todd departed this earth on December 5, 2010 of Lou Gehrig's Disease. He fought a long battled after an initial prognosis of less than 12 mos to live...that was in 2008....there will always be part of me missing....but now I have a guardian angel. RIP my darling big brother!